scientific experiment goes very very boink

Dear D

when you were inside my tummy, i used to read a lot of calvin & hobbes. maybe i shouldn't have. i think while reading about his pranks and his devious acts, i passed on a little of his wickedness to you. why else would you, a 20kg puny, not-yet-six would draw an elaborate step-by-step chart of how you would kill us. that too on the very auspicious day of Ganesh Chauth, the only day of the year when i fast for you my dear. a water-less food-less migraine-inducing fast no less. i think the migraine was a bit early that day because of your drawing.

here's how the plot goes (as explained by you)- you, the evil scientist, will mix a potion of orange color and tell us it is fanta and make us drink it. we will gulp the fanta-look-alike-drink as we would be very thirsty and then we will fall down and die. you will then live happily ever after with your father.

when i told your father about it, he marveled at your ingenuity and was so happy about your creative juices.. no really he was all gaga! so i had to point out the basic idea behind the plot - our sad demise and your happily ever after with your grandmother. it sobered him then i think.

to console myself i blamed it on the flintobox experiment kit which gave you the test tubes to mix your potion in, and then i blamed myself for explaining the word scientist to you. and then your kaaka and kaaki scolded us for scolding you and making you angry enough to draw such plans. yes, again our fault it seems.

this freaked me out a little. maybe that's why it took me almost 15 days to actually make up my mind to write about this. i wish my 1st post of the year was on somthing positive and cheery. i wish you would stop thinking so negative. i wish i knew how to undo this anger or hurt in you.

i know you would never really want to hurt us but just so you know, this is when we seriously started thinking about booking an old-age home for us.

love you my dear ;*
your slightly scared mama

skype tutorials and questions

Dear Darsh

When you were younger you used to ask me questions about the planets and the solar system. So I got us a book and we spend many a pleasant afternoons poring over the pages.

Then you got obsessed with flags and maps and an atlas it was for us. And so on… until yesterday. Now I don’t know what books to buy for us. You are 3 months shy of your 6th bday but your questions have become slightly difficult for me to answer. 

After a very long time we had read a Krishna book cover to cover last evening so I was waiting for the questions about people in Vrindavan  but I wasn’t prepared for what was to follow… You asked me some peculiar questions regarding the digestive system. I will be honest. I never thought about such things. Some of your questions: if the water we drink gets converted to pee, then who colors it yellow? If the food that we consume make our poo then who shapes them? And why do they float? Also what makes us fart and burp…

And it didn’t end there. You wanted to know what makes up a storm and what is the difference between a hurricane and a tornado? I am still looking for books which will give me these answers. We did try to tell you that god makes the wind blow in different directions thus making hurricane and tornado but you just stared at us in a very strange manner. Like you knew we didn’t know the answers.

So I reached out to people at higher levels today and tonight you will skype with your elder brother who will try to unravel all these mysteries for you. His mom assures me that he knows all the answers and then some... Let’s see how that goes. In the meantime I am looking up the books online again. 

Did i tell i i love you? I do :*

20th Nov - The Sunday we went to India Gate

Dear D

After much planning and postponing and cancelling, we finally decided to go to India Gate last Sunday. Your parents were too pleased to have one Sunday free finally after so many weeks. So we didn’t do any research. Had we done any research, we would have found out that India Gate was already a booked venue that day by the Half Delhi Airtel marathon. The website had claimed 34,000 participants.

                                      

We actually found about it half-way on our route when we opened the trusty old Google Maps and it popped up the marathon details. We still went ahead because you were beginning to pout. But we found to our dismay (mostly your dismay and shock and horror...) that the entry roads to India Gate were blocked. To kill time and also because we were hungry we went and had a lavish brunch buffet at Haldiram's and also for some sought after imarti. After which we bullied and cajoled your father to venture again to visit your favorite monument.

This time, we got through. just took us 3 hours to reach it instead of the usual 50 minutes but never mind that. your expression was priceless. it was like watching a spaceship movie. You kept staring with open mouth and kept mumbling wow after few seconds. yes i am talking about india gate not taj mahal. You then proceeded to check it out from all the angles and even gazed into its eyes for quite a bit. you even insisted on touching it but thankfully there were too many jawans around for you to be too daring. You then insisted on staying back for the laser show in the night but we clarified with a Jawan on duty that it wasn’t to happen that Sunday.... After saluting an NCC Cadet from a distance you then went to catch a few soapy bubbles and you kept at it for quite some time because the vendor, enthused by your bubble catching talent, kept blowing bubbles at your way and for a minute i thought there was a competition going on. We finally bought one bubble blow set from him and after that you both relaxed.

The next destination was the children’s park. obviously. Here too, you went slightly crazy with the holed-out slides and tunnels. All in all you had a fun day. We came back home exhausted. err not you. You wanted a strawberry cake. Let me backtrack a little. you have been asking for a strawberry cake for so long but i have the lazy-mom syndrome going on these days. but you know the way around it so well. so instead of asking me to bake a strawberry cake you asked me to teach you how to bake one. i don't how you know that teaching baking to little kids has become one of my favorite things to do these days. So you baked it and I helped. And after you ate it we decided to invite your friends for a baking class where you can teach them the baking moves. Andon that note i'll say our day ended. 

Btw You sang Sia’s Cheap Thrills all the way to the monument and when we requested you for a change in song you sang kanha makhan chor. you have been trying to teach me the kanha song so that i may successfully sing it during bed time, lulling you to sleep. sadly i am not even half-way there. you know it by heart already. you also know 3 slokas. that is 2 more than i know ;) Your choice of songs and singers is pretty eccentric as of now – Boyzone – words, Christina Ricci – 1000 years, Jungle book theme song, Shankhar ji ka damru baje, Lego movie song etc. I think as long as you don’t sing hips don’t lie I will be okay.

You ae pretty helpful around home and kind to the less learned. you have started translating for family and friends even when we have told you that everyone knows passable English. So one of your grandmothers had to hear gussa chiriya – angry birds and the other one had to hear makri man. your twitter-star mosi whose poetry is followed by close to 5000 people daily had to hear kitaab chor – the book thief  recently.

Your dance moves are also quite funky and your bari mosi feels you can have a successful career in bollywood. I am not so sure. I think you can be a baker / a robotic engineer / scientist or a maths champ. Or you can be a lawyer. i think.... 

You – I want to be a scientist

Me – so please study. All scientists have to study a lot

You – can you show me the image of a scientist doing homework

Me – yes of course I will do that!

Me – Okay Google…look for little einstein doing home work 

Autumn fun - Nov 8

it was the autumn of 2016

the famous delhi chill was yet to come

girls were still roaming in tank tops and little pants

and babies were out without their caps

but one day after diwali people woke up to severe smog

they were mystified because it didn’t feel cold at all

they first blamed the Chinese firecrackers

and then they blamed Hindus for lighting those

and then they come to know that the real culprits 

were the fire-happy farmers and no one can really blame them now

so schools were closed after much deliberation

And a few people were encouraged to work from home

But the great pollution lasted for more than a week

and while the government decided on shields & sprays

one little boy had a brainwave

he asked his mom to make him a tent

She first looked at him a bit strangely 

but then saw the mischief in his eyes and said okay

So she got those old crutches saved for an emergency and tied them to the big round chair

And she draped it with a flowery bed sheet and they pretended it was in the jungle

And the little boy went inside the tent

with captain America & the new pillow & scratchy the blanket and a little USB lamp

But he still created some space for his grandmother and for a new fairy tale

And at bedtime he was still in the tent, tossing & heaving and pretended to snore

but after a while he climbed on the bed & slept peacefully then

In the morning he went back to his tent and picnic-ed with popcorns & books & his toys and remianed there until his next break

So next time when you think of the summers & winters 

think of the boy in the tent having fun in the autumn of 2016

When the Gods were invited for dinner

Darsh, this is how our diwali morning conversation went:

You-why are we cleaning the house, is someone coming?
Me-Gods - ganeshji and lakshmiji
Him
You-can i cook for them?
Me-1st we pray to them to come. We have to do puja in evening
You - why not now.
Me-they have to gwt ready. They take time. Why don't you start praying
You -they already told me they r coming in a dream. What should i cook?
Me- they come in the middle of the night. Might not be very hungry. Plus they have super powers which makes them invisible
You-then why are they getting ready? And why are they coming if they don't want to be seen?
And the conversation continues all day...

The Oct pages - Suhana's Diamond ring, yr 2nd alld trip and lesson in evacuation & yr lil bro

Dear Son,

The seating arrangement in your class is slightly different from most schools. boys and girls are seated around tables, alternatively i.e. boy sitting next to a girl sitting next to a boy... so you know more girls then boys. in a good way - i thought as in your previous school it was always girls vs boys. so every week you come home and talk about a new girl. trust me i was a happy mom till this point. then you drew a diamond ring and asked me to get this for Suhana as was wearing a very pretty frock!!! you initially insisted we go to her house and give it to her. you have changed your plans since last week and now you insist we buy one on amazon and deliver it to her house. because she wore a pretty dress once. We were still reeling when you manned up and confessed your love for Sia but to change the love of your life every week and taking it to the next step forward by locking it with a ring is a chat i had kept aside for maybe 20 years from now.

Snacks - Oh and in other news i shared my choc cupcake recipe with Sia's mom. and we both sent cupcakes. and you came home and said Sia's cupcakes were better. and now you want to take cookies for your class even though its not your turn. Just because you want to...

Yesterday i took you for a hair cut after a very long time. the last time i had taken you for probably 2 years back and you had cried, thrown up and ended up getting a messy haircut. this time i bribed you with a "slim & small" airplane and you were an angel. You were quite keen on looking like Salman and not Shah rukh though. Amir Khan was not in the running this time thankfully.

Recently you have gained a slightly obsessive quality about hoarding things. I got your grandma a wardrobe organizer. You took it away to your kitchen saying you needed it. we saw it being used as an organizer for all things that could be hanged in a kitchen. I was discarding some not so useful kitchen gadgets the other day and you took those too to your kitchen. did i tell you your pink and mauve kitchen has expanded to your study table and chair. we are things of giving you a few side tables too to store your ever-expanding utensils and other kitchen tools.

The second Allahabad trip was historically funny. Let me start with the train journey. You were more aware of the difference in the crowd. You chatted quite freely with quite a few strangers and also made friends with some children in the train. Thankfully in the train bathroom you did not ask me what is this for? You did not run away too. You loved climbing up and down and were not scared at all. But you were still spooked by the bugs and you think Allahabad is a city inside a zoo as there are too many animals here. i liked your perspective, albeit a bit wild.

Oh and did i tell you you tend to chnage your allegiance to different Gods every few months.
Last year you made us buy a statue of Hanuman as you wanted to do puja of a red hanumanji. This time also you started your demans for a hanuman costume and gada but halfway through Allahabad dusshera you became a huge fan of Lord Shiva. we were corrected everytime we said shivji. So then you wnated to get the wig to look like him. and tiger -skin look-alike clothes and a trishul. because you wnated to do the tandav dance. you also showed me how. but you still wnated to do it in full glory - read costume. we didnt find any of these things because you know na allahabd dusshera is slightly busy with ramleela every few kms. anyways i suggested we can grow your hair amd make it dirty to make it similar to lord shiva hairstyle but you were not satisfied. everytime you googled lord shiv hair on my phone you would push the phone under my nose and say i want this hair! thankfully you forgot all about the fake hair in delhi.

On our flight back, you got frantic to understand and touch and feel the emergency landing manual and the gear which inluces the vest and and oxygen mask etc. again. so we badgered a cute airhostess at Vistara to give you a tutorial on the same. you did manage to rattle a few travellers by your persistent what-if in case of emergency handling questions - what of the plane lands on water? what if it lands in the forest and the best - i want the plane to land on water because then i will be on the boat!
btw this is how the con started after all the passengers had de-boarded:
air-hostess - why do you wnat to know about the emergency landing? do you wnat to be a pilot?
you: no
air-hostess - do you want to be a crew then?
you - no
air-hostess - what do you want to be then?
you - i want to be a scientist and do a lot of experiments
air-hostess to me: Ma'am your son ahs high IQ levels thats why he wnats to know these things in detail
me: haha hmmmm can we start the instructions please!

oh and somthing happened recently that made you go awwww so cute. no seriously this is what you say everytime you see your little brother who you refused to call anything but Jack Jack before he was born but now you call him Arjun :) 

Waiting for customers...

Dear Darsh,

Today you received your 1st new kitchen set of the year.  But you have grown up a little now. You didn't want me to be your customer today. All geared-up in a chef hat and an apron, you were waiting for nana-nani (no 6) to serve them. All your kitchen equipments were lined up neatly with 4 mini plates ready to serve dal, roti & sabzi. You were also excited as you knew they will get you a lego set again. They did.
Today, you also cried as you wanted to go to USA with them. Sadly you were told that no one got your tickets. Actually that happened almost 6 hrs back but you are still upset about it. You refused to speak to kaka kaki today.
We have decided that in your restaurant jack jack will be the head waiter and you will be the restaurant manager. The menu, however will be the same.
Today, during lunch time, you showed me how you roll your roti everyday in school. That was the best moment of the day for me. Did i tell you i love you? I do so much more than you know 😚
In August we started you on two new things - table tennis and music. Let's see how long we can do it this time...