Marsh and bollywood

Dear Darsh, 

Your school is making you guys enact Bharat milap or some such similar scene from Ramayana today. A performance to delight the younger crowd in your school. Not for the parents though. You are delighted to play the role of Bharat. Namish is playing Ram. His mother informs me it’s because Ram does not have much to speak and Namish is a quiet boy so it suits. You, I know are quite talkative so I am really wondering what’s happening in your school today. But I love it that you have such amazing teachers who sustain daily through your chatter. But you know na that they too have started complaining about the non-stop urge to talk.

We went to Vaishno Devi last weekend. We were excited for your first train ride with the whole family but you slept most of the time so it was mostly uneventful. You were initially scared but were looking forward to hop on to the helicopter for the to and fro journey to the mountain top and back. But the skies were cloudy enough for the helicopter service to shut shop. So we tried to climb up. Which did not last even a kilometer so we hired ponies. Later we were chased by a monkey because you were carrying a chocolate in your hand. That was the only time you decided to walk. We all came back with the divine blessings and headaches and backaches but you got a load full of memories. Treasure those because we are hoping to repeat the experience only in the next decade and not before that.

During one of your pony rides, you revealed to your father that you have a cute little younger brother and his name is Marsh, just like Darsh. You told him he plays with you and you hold him in your hands. Frankly my dear, these days your imagination is giving me a slight chill. After that, you have been telling us daily to go and get you a little brother called Marsh.

On our way back, you went through the inflight magazine not because you wanted to buy some toy, but because you were looking for a picture of Ranbir Kapoor. These days, I am so often reminded of the scenes outside my school when there would be vendor guys trying to sell stickers and bollywood actors pictures and posters. I am embarrassed to admit your big mosi did buy some of those posters but I think she was in the 7^th standard then. Not a 4 foot person. Your bollywood craze is driving me nuts these days. Last night instead of watching the half hour of American sitcom drama I am so used to, I had to endure Chennai Express because you wanted to see ‘Shahrukh Khan.’ And then on top of that you asked me to repeat some dialogues too. 

Today's update – your grandmother called up to say that you came home crying and you were crying in the bus and the school too. I called up your class teacher puja to find out and this was revealed:

it seems today end of the day you were disturbing the class. repeating after the teacher and singing songs. so your mam asked you to keep quiet. to that you said there is a bird in my throat and i can't keep quiet. She asked you is it a parrot as only a parrot can be repeating exactly what she was saying.

Then she warned the class that if anyone disturbs further has to go to the blue sky class to sakshi mam. you continued to disturb the class and refused to go to blue. so puja mam lifted you up and put you in that class. 

after that you were crying loudly (and she told me here that when you cry you really do cry with lots of tears) and finally puja mam went to you, chatted and cleaned your face etc. but then you started the Mikhail story (same old – that he hit you) and started crying again. 

i told her i have never told him that birds can enter a person’s throat. 

to that she replied that darsh is a very smart boy. a very very smart boy.

i was too embarassed after all this to ask her how was the enactment and did he eat lunch today.  And this is why your mother has decided to not go to any of the ptms in 2015. It’s too embarrassing to face the teacher after all this.

e ptms in 2015. It’s too embarrassing to face the teacher after all this.

Sept 30, 2015.

school admission

My dear son,

Both your kaakis think you are a prodigy. One of them says because you were saying z for zucchini last year. The other said because you can pronounce r for refrigerator. I am not sure you are a prodigy. Analytical like your father maybe you are…

Anyways I wanted to tell you about something very important that we recently concluded. Your admission to a ‘big’ school. While I love your current school, it was limiting you in extra-curricular activities, stage performances, sports. It was also getting too expensive. And you are getting pampered like anything by your teachers, friends and the faculty as you were the naughtiest and the youngest in your class. And I would really miss this school. But from a small but exclusive school which has one section per class you will be moving to a school which has 8. From a class strength of around 20, you will be sitting in a class of close to 32 kids. Ofcourse it will be a big change. But I am sure it will be easier for you to adjust now when you are still a slightly wild enthusiastic kid, ready to mingle and learn. So we chose Heritage for you. Or more like heritage chose you. But you are not ready to go to a different school yet. I know you will miss all these friends you made in the last three years L

We went to close to 8 schools in the last 2 months and the funny thing is, none of them are teaching as much as your current school. You are not yet 5 but you already know about nouns, adjectives, architecture of different countries, vowels, rainbow colors etc. I checked at all the schools and some of them don’t even start half the things you already know like addition, subtraction, writing 5 letter words etc. To be honest, I would be happier if you become a bit more sporty rather than being grammatically correct at this age.

And in other news, you are the only kid in class who refuses to practice Hindi and English alphabets in class. So much so, that your teacher actually scowled at us while ranting about your errant behavior in class. It seems, instead of practicing in the journal like the other children, you draw. About family holidays in Hong Kong and other countries where we are yet to go… Of puja ceremonies in which you make stick figures of your favorite uncles, aunts, grandparents and cousins and cosmic rangoli drawings in which, very strangely, you insert Hindi alphabets.

Last weekend, we went to the mall and I was assuming you would ask to go to the toy shop or even the gaming arcade. How little do I know you! You insisted for half an hour so we had to go to a hypermarket. You picked up detergent and dettol from there for your father. I fear stranger things might happen still.

It was Ganesh Chauth last weekend and we went t a couple of house to pay our respect to the God. At the first place you were missing your prayer book. At the second place you smeared lots of tika on your forehead, several times. You ate the Prasad on your own and while the other children touched the deity’s feet, you did what we call a dandwat pranam. You lied down on the floor to seek God’s blessings instead of just bending over.

Signing off now because the next one is going to be longer as it will include metro, train, flight, helicopter and maybe a horseride. 

Mr Bollywood

Dear Darsh, 

Lately, I have started calling you bollywood. No really. I think the name suits you because you are totally in love with the songs, dance, dialogues etc. After seeing bajrangi you started chanting I love Pakistan. I think I did mention the BB locket in the last mail.

Even while we were adjusting to you dance version of jai jai bajrang bali, you gave us the soulful rendition of mai tera hero. To say you are in awe of salman khan will be an understatement. Maybe this will portray your true feeling: last night during yr dinner when I play your favorite youtube videos you made me type out and search for darsh and salman khan. Yes you did.

Moving on… you tried to buy kinder joy with an india gate fridge magnet that resembles a credit card so I gave you some old cards and you picked a manly wallet from my collection (it’s brown with white flowers) and you kept all the cards in it. The last time I counted you had more than 20 cards including a metro card, a bodyshop card and several other brand cards.

Last night you narrated a hilarious incident that happened in the school loo. You had gone to wash your hands and a friend was shitting so the whole bathroom was stinking so you quickly washed your hands and covered your nose and ran from the bathroom. Your principal caught hold of you and asked the reason for the haste so you informed her very politely that XX is shitting and the whole bathroom is stinking so she let you go then. I have always believed that narration is the key to a story’s success and you I believe have already mastered it. Your stories are always funny or maybe I am wearing the mommy goggles but I love all your stories. I hope one day you get famous for your stories my baby.

Last weekend was janmashtmi and we had tried to make it a big event for you to enjoy. You made rangoli design that was pretty with hindi alphabets you had learnt till now. For some reason you were against painting English ones there. You made river ganga, made your lego characters participate and helped with the strategic placing of the clay statues your nana got from Allahabad. In the evening you dressed up like Krishna, pretend-read bhajans and tried to sing and also accompanied us on the drums. On Thursdays too, you sit with me and read sai baba’s story books. In short, you really enjoy the pujas.

Last weekend we had to get you blood tested and we were very scared for your first such encounter with the needle. So was the blood collector. But you shocked us all. You did not finch, cry or scream. I guess I was most shocked because I get loud and abusive and teary when injected.

You are pretty excited about going to a birthday party this weekend you have not been invited to. I tried to tell you but I guess you are too excited about it in any case.

Habits:

The night rituals have become longer. You first try to sleep with us for an hour during which a lot of book reading and tickle attacks happen. Then you pick up your blankie, your pollow and your water bottle and go to your daadi’s room. After another hour you come back and sleep in the middle.

And for some reason you have started using your own bathroom for all short and long durations. Maybe it has to do with that bathroom incident. Maybe you are as fiercely independent as your mother.    

After almost a two year gap, You have started sleeping again while holding on to the blankie for some reason. 

the august letter

 Dear Darsh,

You are finally over PK, but at what cost! Every night before sleeping you make us play bajrangi bhaijaan the movie, without any forwards. You dance at all the songs and rush to the bathroom so that you don’t miss even a single scene. This has been going on for a few weeks. Yesterday we had gone to the market and you made us buy the now-famous BB hanuman gadda locket. You dance to selfie le le re wearing it. We had put an animation movie for you today but you slept during it! Did I mention you never sleep when BB is playing… I am not anti-bollywood at all but you have become an extreme Bollywood fan and it’s hilarious and exasperating at the same time.

You refuse to go to the park as you are afraid of the bugs and lizards there. You have hardly gone to the dance class this month. Infact you have devised a new form of dance for all your favorite songs sung by atif aslam and arijit. I feel it’s a slow kathak and western mixed but the jury is still out on that one.

You are learning physical violence in school. Today you punched me in the nose and when asked, you revealed that one of your friends had hurt you in school. But you still refuse to hit back your friends and depend on your teacher to intervene on your behalf. Let’s see how long that goes.

You made us buy a microphone last night and made us listen to your Bollywood renditions, speech on Japan and instructions on discipline among other things. And then we had an interesting session with you on mic and me on drums. You have realized you can’t wait for your birthday to have a party so you invited all your friends for a party and then told me about it very solemnly one evening.

The bitter-sweet relationship with your father continues. Things had peaked last month after the famous fallout when you pinched and pulled him repeatedly for a week even though he kept telling you it hurts. Finally he threatened to lock you in the bathroom which led you to believe he is you enemy no 1. The incident, you narrated, told and retold to all our relatives, random people in the lift, all your school friends, teachers, your vice principal and even a toddler and his parents in the mall. Ofcourse it has reached epic proportions now since you are a Bollywood fan and in the last version I heard, you were showing mosquito bites as places where he had hurt you! I did try to tell your teachers that your fabrications (please read LIES) have become quite fantastic but they praised you for your story telling skills and creative bent.

It was my birthday this week and after the dinner-out you were still wondering where the party was. Needless to say you were hugely disappointed to finally figure out what a grown-up’s party really means.

On rakshbhandan day you were very excited to get all the ten rakhis tied and you kept proclaiming loudly that you love all your sisters very much. However, you refused to get even the second rakhi tied, took off the first one within one hour and were ready to leave the minute you got the rakhi gift from your cousins. You grabbed the bags and told your daddi, “chalo daadi ho gaya”. Yes we were a little embarrassed.

But all in all you are cute kid making us proud with you perfectly formed sentences and new learnings every day. We love you and your funny antics!